Many times, I thought I was strong.
Many times, I realized I was not, in fact, strong.
When I was a kid, my strength was a thing of escapism. Literal escapism at that, since the only thing I did regularly and successfully was running from bullies. Fast and strong legs were something I was quite proud of.
As an adolescent, my strength was a thing of escapism as well. Literary escapism, this time. Being a mild fantasy addict, I learned to fence swords a bit and thought that was enough, that the half-decent grip equated strength. It did make me more fit than most of my friends but looking back, it was frustratingly far from anything serious.
Growing into adulthood, I often neglected exercise and eventually became plump and clumsy. Not as much as people who never train but enough to feel ashamed. At least I had my semi-regular comeback episodes that put me back into shape. To some extent.
The beginning of the war caught me doing morning table tennis matches with my wife and occasional calisthenics sessions. Which surely wasn’t strength.
When they declared the draft and I fled my birth country, that was a solid shock. A nervous time, the worst time I had experienced that far. I started exercising more, mostly to relieve stress. I made mistakes and hurt my back on a few occasions. Yet ultimately, I did become stronger. For real, that time.
Moving to Serbia brought me into a different social reality where far more people were fit. I doubled down on my calisthenics and improved the form. I even installed a pullup bar at our place. A few months later I found a coach and started lifting. That was the second real step.
I’ve been lifting for a little over a year now. I am much more aware of the limits of my strength. Aside from the gym, I’m running and doing bouldering, juggling, and kenjutsu. The way of strength is gradually becoming an integral part of me.
I am grateful I have to experience this.
There is strength in who you surround yourself with. Not only metaphorically, but practically. If your friends are strong or strive to be strong, so will you.
There is strength in repetition. Continued growth is indeed the real strength.