No Deadlines, No Certificates

Making promises to yourself in the self-love era

For the last 10 years, I have been stockpiling promises from myself to myself. Or rather, from my past selves to my present self, steadily compressing the old oaths into new, shiny packages with more rigorous labels. As if that were progress.

This year, I realized how much of a Sisyphus I have become. All those vows to take that course after finishing this one, to learn hundreds of new things after mastering dozens of these… Those vows have been draining me, leaving a shell of that who was once a joyful and vigorous man.

This year I’ve learned the true meaning of what is called self-love.

Don’t get me wrong! I knew how the term was usually interpreted. Treat yourself well, don’t picture yourself negatively in your head, and take a bath. Ah, and when you have a task well done, let yourself eat a slice of cake.

But this isn’t all there is to it, of course not. Be at ease with yourself, this is far more important. Let yourself play with the world. Get excited about being you!

I, for one, canceled all of my self-imposed deadlines. Did I promise myself to finish several math textbooks this year? Nothing’s left of it. Have I been trying to keep up with the yearly challenge to read a number of books? No trace of that noblesse oblige. Twitter bookmarks, thousands of them? All gone.

Riding on that tremendous, obliterating wave, I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Plans to obtain a CPE crumbling under their own weight. The very idea of getting any formal STEM education dissipating under the blazing light of self-love.

You know, I cherished these plans. They were my future! Now I can clearly see that those were but an obstacle on my adventurous path. An obstacle that now feels more like a chore, even though it taught me many useful things.

And then, another revelation comes.

Certificates and diplomas only show how reliable and punctual you are to those who have no interest in you. People who are willing to look closely at an employee candidate, who will spend their time and effort to decide whether you can work together, those people won’t need your degrees. You meet, and then there is a spark, or there is none. No sheet of paper will ignite what is too damp.

It’s a digression, but an important one. Not only can you break free from old and stale obligations, but you should choose the new ones wisely. Because your newfound freedom is a clean slate, but a slate to be marred nonetheless. You can mar it with radiant, vivid colors, or you can drop it in the grey mud under your feet.

And never hesitate to clean that slate again. For when you have it cleaned, you are free to do anything, everything. Read the most cherished books you put aside because you felt you were not ready for them. Watch the lectures you thought were too difficult for you. Speak to people you looked up to in awe.

You are free to go, and you are ready for new discoveries.